Year in Review!

It has been a LONG year, yet it has sped by at ludicrous speed. Does that make sense? Most of you know the deal. Living with my mom, needing to somehow get back on our feet. We now find ourselves in WV, in my grandparents old house. We are settled in nicely. M is in school. T is working, I am trudging away with school. I love it here. Being here feels normal and right for me. T is still adjusting, but doing very well.

So I have to apologize. I promised everyone I would blog regularly, and I don't. You can thank Facebook for that! Hah. I am going to try to post each day (ha!) and I would like to post a picture a day too. I have attempted this before, and failed miserably, but we shall see how it goes. I have also decided that it has been way too long since I had my very own blog design, so I am thinking that is something that I need to do as well. I just use templates because they are easy peasy, and my creativity went out the door years ago.

So, some photos, yes?

We moved up here the day before Halloween. M was a witch, courtesy of my friend Penny, who brought the costume up for us to use!




We got to spend lots of time outside when we first got here. The weather was PERFECT!

















Then, we got our first snow!! M was just LOVING it!!








Then, it snowed again. And again. Aaand again. :)








Our humble abode...





Our neighbors... LOL.





Before we knew it, Christmas was upon us! We had Christmas Eve here, and Christmas day we were lazy. We went to my cousins for dinner. It was a really good few days, although I REALLY miss my mommy...


We also got legal. :)




Awww...





M and her cousins...



Petie and T ...






M got a sled from Santa. Best thing EVER. She had SO much fun!




She is such a ham, no?





And that is about where we are. Rebuilding. Living. Being happy. Adjusting.
So, blogging and photo daily..? Hah.. we shall see.

Happy New Year!!

I am not a religious person. I know the reason for the season and all that, but well, its never been about that for us. Christmas for us is about family and being together. I used to love buying gifts for my family members and friends. It bothers me that I cannot do that this year. I know that my friends and family understand and all. But I always took great joy in seeing their faces when they opened their gifts!

I know it should not be about that. But that is where a lot of the joy came from. Of course, GETTING is great too. But I liked the giving part best.

I have a pretty awesome family and I just miss those days of all being together at my Aunty Nancy's house.

I saw some guy on tv the other day berating some woman who wrote in to say that she could not afford to get her kids presents this year. The guy made some rather unsavory comments about this woman and it made me feel awful. We are going to be able to get M a few small things, but that is it. She will still be spoiled, as our friend J went all out crazy and got her a ton of stuff lol.

Thanks J.

I sure hope that next year is better for us financially.

I can say that I have a wish list... it is the same as last year. I want a Wii. And a Wii Fit.
I will be old and gray by the time I actually can afford one, but that is ok.

I have my family. Mom, M, T, and my extended family and friends. I have the BEST people in my life. So it is all good. All I want is for them to have a wonderful holiday, to stay safe and healthy, and to have much happiness...

Merry Merry!

These would be PERFECT in my kitchen, over the table. I wonder if I could make them. I have enough damned mason jars. LOL!!

I missed my mom so very much. Other than wanting her here with us, it was a wonderful day. I cooked a simple, small dinner. We had a turkey breast, apple bacon stuffing, corn, mashed potatoes with gravy and cranberry sauce. I also made two pumpkin pies. We ate around 12:30. T helped me clean up, and then we watched some football while M played in her playroom. We lounged on the couches all afternoon, getting random drive-by's from M... (these would be random, unsolicited hugs and kisses.) T napped off and on, and so did I. It was a wonderfully lazy afternoon. We finally got moving and went over to my cousin's house for dinner around 6. It was delicious, and we rolled on home around 8. We got M to bed after she watched the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving special. T and I watched some football. I wanted to finish watching the game, but sometime during the 3rd qtr. I was toast. I went on up to bed, and slept SO good.

This morning, at around 7:40 (she slept in! WOO!), M came into our room to wake us. I sat up, and could see that it was snowing! We all ran to the window like idiots LOL. It came down pretty good for a bit, but did not stick and soon switched over to just rain. I tried to take a picture or two, but the snow did not show up on my camera! Maybe next time!

It is easy to get stuck on all that is wrong with life. It is easy to sit around and wallow in self pity. I don't have time to be like that any more. I am doing my best to focus on what I have and not on what I DON'T have. Life is too short for bullshit. I have wasted too much time being depressed.

Remind me of that the next time that I start whining, mmkay?

I have so much to be thankful for. It overwhelms me to think about it really.
My mom. I could write a book full of all of the things that she has done for me. SO grateful and very, very thankful for her unwavering support and love.

M. My goodness, I love my little girl. She is amazing and awesome and I am the luckiest woman in the world to be her mommy. Even if she does get beastly at times. LOL.

T. He has come a long way. He still has a way to go, but he has definitely come quite far. I do not know where we will end up, as we struggle every day with it all... but I am thankful that I get to sit down with him and M tomorrow to have dinner.

I am thankful for my cousins. It was them, and my mom, that made this all possible. I love being here.

I am thankful for my friends. I have some of the best friends in the WORLD. I love you guys and I so thankful that each of you are a part of our lives. :)

My family. We have some oddballs and some crazies, but gosh I love my family! I am hoping that they all have a wonderful day tomorrow and that they can find lots of things to be thankful for!!

This old house. Thankful to be here - that barely scratches the surface of how I feel being here...

We are so broke. Like, really really broke. Yet I still have SO much to be happy about. So I am just going to wallow in that happiness for awhile.

Happy Thanksgiving!! Have a wonderful time with your loved ones...

I started watching Days of Our Lives back when I was in 3rd or 4th grade. My mom always watched soaps. She liked some of the older ones like One Life to Live and The Young and the Restless.. She watched a lot of them.

I can remember watching a short lived soap called Texas. I LOVED it. It did not survive.
I watched Days and General Hospital for years. As soon as I got home from school, my friends and I would tune in to watch Days and GH.

One of my funniest memories with my friends was watching an episode of GH. At this time, I was not particularly a fan of the show. I watched because my friends did. In this episode, a man named Tony was dying. His wife sat in the bed with him and held him as he died. All of my friends were crying and misty-eyed at Tony's passing.

And there I sat, on a couch with my friends Doberman as the rest of them hovered around the tv in shock over Tony's passing. I simply could not help myself, but I broke into song. That song was very popular at the moment. It was by a band called the Cutting Crew and was called 'I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight.'

I just started singing "Oh I, I just died in your arms tonight. It must have been something you said. I just died in your arms tonight. Oh I, I just died in your arms tonight. It must have been some kind of kiss. I should have walked away . I should have walked away."

I thought it was a moment of genius. The rest of them did not, and started throwing pillows and such at me.

To this day, it makes me giggle uncontrollably. I thought it was hilarious! hahaa.

So T was watching todays episode of Day's. He made a comment of how cheesy it was. (yet he still watches LOL) and I admitted as much. It got me talking of past storylines and he was like "WTF?"

It was quite a conversation LOL. I know that some of these shows are cheesy and predictable and lame, yet I still watch. I love Days.. if I miss it, I get irritable. LMAO!

Do any of you watch any soaps? Which ones? How long have you watched?

When Princess Diana and Prince Charles got married, I was living here in Rowlesburg. I was 8 years old. I remember my mom waking me up so that I could watch the wedding on tv with them. It was magical.

Prince Charles was always really creepy looking to me. LOL. His eyes are too close together and I cannot stand his hair. Trivial and stupid, I know. Haha.

So tonight T and I are watching a Dateline interview with Prince Charles.

I have a whole new view of this man, as well as a whole lot more respect for him. The media is so biased (big shocker there!) and I just never knew these things about him.

I am so into what he is about that I cannot even comprehend it! If anyone asks me what I want for Christmas, I want the book he just wrote, titled 'Harmony.'

This is an amazing man, an amazing visionary, who is right in tune with my own thoughts and beliefs. One of the things I am going to love most about living here, is having a HUGE garden to live off of. I am going to carefully plan our garden, so that I am able to can our harvest for use throughout the winter. The less we have to buy means more money saved, it means less waste for landfills. It means KNOWING what is in our food. No pesticides, no crap. I am even contemplating chickens, both for eggs and meat. I am just not sure who will kill and prepare them, because I CANNOT do that. LOL

Our world is out of control. WE are out of control. We are an instant gratification, selfish society, and I cannot change anyone else. But I CAN change what I do..

And I can feel good about that!

*sigh*

I do not know what I am doing wrong. This kid does.not.listen. At all.
I will ask her, or tell her, not to do something. She will ask why. I give her a solid reason. She looks right at me and tells me she is going to do it any way. I have tried time outs. I have taken things away from her. I have threatened. And yes, I have spanked. NOTHING works. And before anyone jumps on me for spanking. It was a spanking with my hand. I do not beat my child. You may not agree with it and that is ok. It was a last resort.

I cannot just throw my arms up in defeat. So WHAT do I do? She is turning into a nasty little thing and I am at my wits end.

She is awesome at school, or when she is over at my cousins house. I know she is supposed to test boundaries and all of that, but DAMN.

I have already made up my mind that tomorrow, if she flat out refuses to clean up her playroom, she will wake up the next day to an empty room. I will bag it all up and put it downstairs. And maybe even give the stuff away.

I have so had it already.

I love her more than anything. There are certain things that I want to teach her and I am failing miserably.

UGH.

It is getting colder by the day. Bbbrr. Saw some people that I have known since I was a kid. They are all pill heads. Awesome.

We still have a few boxes hanging around that we need to get put away, and the office is still a mess. I need shelves in the worst way. T is adjusting well, I think. So is M. She started school last week. Of course, now she has a week off because of Thanksgiving. I am trying to keep her busy.

T is working. I hit the books once she goes back to school next week.

We are all sick. No one is down and out yet though, so there is that!

This old house needs some work. Hoping we can do it justice.

The knob on the heater broke. Ugh. It is just the plastic knob, not the dial itself, which is a good thing. Getting estimates to put in central heat and air.

Also getting an estimate on fixing the grape arbor. It needs to be pruned back, and the supports under it need to be redone. It has collapsed under the weight of the vines. It is HUGE.

Aaannd another estimate to fix the stairs going down to the apartment. They are crumbling bad, and my cousins wife has already taken a tumble down then as a result. Thinking about framing them and concreting them ourselves.

There is an old scraggly apple tree in the yard. Thinking of taking it out and planting a maple a little further out in the yard.

Someone remind me to get photos of some the giant pine trees around here. They are magnificent.

REALLY wanting to knock out the windows in the dining room and put in some french doors, and build a two story deck. HAHAA. Like THAT will happen.

Maybe if I win the lotto or one of those home makeover shows. *sigh*

My family, are all (mostly)alcoholics. I knew this. I just didn't know how bad it was. It makes me sad.

There are like 20 stray cats living across the street. This bothers me....

GO COLTS!

I am cold.

And tired.

Here are a few pics of random stuffs.

Crap. Nope. That will have to wait.. sorry. LOL
Server issues. :|

A few lines from a song that I happen to like quite a bit.. (and just you shush yourselves when you hear who sings it...)

"It's been a long time since I walked through this old town
But oh how the memories start to flow"

It is from a song by Kenny Rogers titled "Twenty Years Ago"

There are just bits and pieces of the song that apply to me and this 'old town'... but it never fails to make me cry.

This verse? Does me IN...

"All my memories from those days come gather round me
What I'd give if they could take me back in time
It almost seems like yesterday
Where do the good times go?
Life was so much easier twenty years ago."

I only lived here for a few years when I was a kid. People are sometimes shocked to learn that. I have been told that because of how I talk about my time here, it seems like I spent a lifetime here.

Well, I was 8. We moved away when I was 10 or 11. Back then, that span of time WAS a lifetime.
Time certainly moves a lot faster now. That really makes me mad. I have this wonderful, beautiful being for a child, and my time with her is just whizzing by at ludicrous speed.

NOT fair. I do hope though, that for her, time is as it was for me when I was her age. Time was endless then.

The memories that this 'old town' holds for me are both good and bad.

The good?

Freedom.

I had boundless freedom here. I came and went as I wanted. Yeah, there were rules. I had to be home for dinner. I had to be home before dark. But, this being a small town, (and I mean SMALL. Like..teensy...) I had endless freedom because there were always eyes upon me. And I KNEW this. I never even attempted to do anything stupid, because I knew that the news traveled the grapevine fast. If I screwed up, my parents would know by the time I went home for dinner!

My family.

My great-grandmother lived here. A bunch of my great-uncles lived here. There was my Nanny and Pop. My Aunt Sandy lived here with her kids (4 of them, all of whom I simply adore)..
One of my great-aunts lived here and another lived in the next town over.

Wild, Wonderful West Virginia!

People can make jokes about this place all they want. I do not let it bother me. Because this place is the one and only place that I have ever been, where I feel truly at peace. It is indeed a beautiful state. Is it filled with inbred, backwoods rednecks? YES. Are my family members a buncha good ol' hillbillies? YES.

And yes, there IS a difference between a redneck and a hillbilly. But these people here in this town? They can have nothing, and yet they will bend over backwards to help you out in a time of need. These people say hello to you when you pass them on the street. We sit out on the porch and people driving by, whom we have never seen before, honk and wave.

Are there complete assholes here? Of course. But most of the people here are good.

I loved the slower pace of life here. And the trains. I could type out a whole post (and I probably will, at some point!) about the trains! To hear the train whistle echo through the valley is, to this day, something that I cherish. I will stop whatever I am doing, to just listen. It takes me back to when I was 8.

I am looking forward to having a garden, and canning what that garden puts forth.
I take no shame in eating deer meat. It is healthy, not full of crap, and there are no racks of deer antlers anywhere to be found up in here. That is not why we hunt them.

Nature.

As I said, this is a beautiful state. I have a TON of places that I cannot wait to show to T and M. They are both nature lovers and I cannot wait to share this love of this place, that I have, with them.

Then, there is the bad.

For instance...I got bullied so bad by two particular people, that I actually lied to these kids telling them that I was not me, not J, but J's brother.

I had been in bad need of a haircut and my mom took me to see some gal who was going to school to learn how to cut hair. I had wanted my hair short. She made it so short that I totally could have passed for a boy.

So... a few days later when I was in the presence of the bullies (they had bullied me prior to the haircut), and they started in on me, I looked down at myself. I had on jean cut-offs, a football jersey, and sneakers they had never seen before. So in desperation, I told them that I was not J, I was her brother.

They believed me.

They actually believed me.

I got about a weeks reprieve until they learned that I did not have a brother. Well, I DO have a brother (one who has since, for whatever reason, chosen to have nothing to do with me. Whole nother post there....), just not one that close in age to me.

The bullying got real bad then. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE teased me about 'trying to be a boy."

What they did not get was that I was not trying to be a boy. I was trying to avoid being picked on. When I think back on it all, I am not even sure why these people singled me out. I do not remember why they picked on me.

I WAS a tomboy. I still am, and I am totally ok with this. I have a girly side. It just does not show itself all that often. I love having pretty toes, and I dye my hair to keep the gray at bay. I pluck my eyebrows because they are out of control (thanks DAD... lol) and I used to LOVE having my nails done. Unfortunately, I cannot type with nails.

I do not like dressing too girly because I am so not comfy in my own skin. I am fat. I am so awkward in a dress. It is kinda funny. And I cannot walk in heels to save my life.

So be it. I am who I am. And people seem ok with that these days. At least, the people that I choose to surround myself with seem to be ok with it.

And that is good enough for me.

Until next time...

was wonderful. It was just a nice, simple day. M spent the night over at my cousins. She had her granddaughter and niece there (both my cousins as well), and they love to play with M. We went over this morning and K made us breakfast! Chocolate chip pancakes! Mmm.

Then, M did not wanna come home, and we had to run to town to get groceries. So, she stayed with K until we got back. She played on her 'playground' (we have a swing set in the yard... LOL) for awhile, and then we all spent a good amount of time out on the porch. It was such a beautiful afternoon.

We had gone exploring the other day. I wanted to take them to a really pretty little place near here, but we couldn't get up there because the Army has taken the land over. Boo. :(

Tomorrow afternoon, we are heading out to explore a bit more. I have some pics that I need to get off my camera to post here. I will try to do that tomorrow night. Until then.........

M is 4 and a half now. There are a few words that she still does not say right, but mother-of-the-year over here does not correct here because it is just SO cute!

Example: Napkin. She calls in a 'mackin'. It is just so cute to hear her say it.
The other one is bathing suit. She calls it a 'bakin' suit', which, being former Floridians, was wildly funny to me. Because one does bake at the beach. LOL.

:o)

That is all. Just had to share her cuteness...

The move went well, no major problems. I am super thankful to my cousin R, for all that he did in getting us here. We are just about all unpacked and settled in. I will take some pictures as soon as the last few boxes are emptied.

The weather is cold at night and nice during the day. You can see a LOT more of the sky at night here. It is amazing.

I thought that being here would be difficult. The first day or three was indeed kind of hard. But now? I feel like this is where I am supposed to be. I am taking some time for myself each morning/evening to try to focus on letting go of all of the negativity and bad juju that I have accumulated. I finally realized that the universe kept pissing in my cheerios because I am one giant, negative force. Time to change that. Life is short, I am tired of not enjoying it.

I miss my mom and my friends. Thankfully, I have friends and family here.

M is adjusting well. She seems to like it here, but she really misses my mom and her Aunty Joyce.

I miss being able to go to Body Pump. *sigh*

M starts school on Monday, so I am hoping to get on a new schedule then. That schedule includes exercise.

It has already snowed here. It was just flurries, but still.

T is doing ok, I guess. We are a work in progress. I am still very unsure of which way it will go, but time will tell.

I love it here. I love the air and how fresh it is. I step outside at random times just to take in a deep breath!
I step outside at night, into the cold silence, and just give thanks for being able to be here.
I love this house. Even if it does need a lot of work..
I love the river and there are so many places that I simply cannot wait to show to T and to M.

And with that, I am off to shower, eat, and get out to enjoy this beautiful day. My days are limited now, as I have to get school done and get working! I am packing a picnic lunch and we are headed out to a really cool spot. Pics later!

Until next time..

We have one week left here in FL. Less than that actually, as we leave on Thursday morning of next week.
I am nervous.

T and I have a lot to work on. I am hoping that we can do it. We have always been able to get through whatever life threw at us, until 2008. He has been able to face some of the problems that led him down a bad path. We talk a lot. So there's that.

I love my nanny and pop's house. I am just having a hard time facing the fact that it is no longer their house, and is about to become our home. With our stuff in it, and not theirs. I am worried about the effect of the move on M, our daughter.  And I do not like leaving my mom behind. Especially after all that she had done for us.

This is going to take a LOT of adjustment....

I am not going to go into a great bit of detail, because I doubt anyone but family will read this. The reason for starting this, is so that if people wanted to keep up with us, they could. I will be blogging here regularly about our new life.

When I was a kid, I spent some time in a small West Virginia town. My grandparents lived there, as well as my great grandmother, a few aunts and uncles and a bunch of cousins. Now, there are just a few cousins left. My Nan and Pops house is empty since my Nan, and my aunt's passing. The family does not want to let the house go to someone outside of the family. They all have their own homes. Mine is sitting vacant, in foreclosure. 

As most of you know, my life has been an absolute mess for the last 3 years or so. My hubby and I have had lots of problems. He is trying to get it together. Everyone who doesn't think I should have kicked him to the curb, believes that this change could work wonders for him, and for us. 

I hope so. Because I am tired of the roller coaster ride. Besides, my family will kill him if he doesn't keep in line. *winks*

I am nervous about this. I am also excited and elated. I absolutely LOVE this place. Most people wouldn't think it is much. In reality, it isn't. It is small. Not even a stop light in town anywhere. It is isolated. It is quiet. It has its problems, just like everywhere else. But it is beautiful. I feel at peace there. I am anxious to get there, and get settled. 

I am hoping to get T to post here as well. I am interested in his thoughts on all of this. I am hoping we can get out together, take pictures... post them here. I am hoping that for the first time in a long time, we can LIVE.