Woo. Major brain dump! Brace yourselves!

A few lines from a song that I happen to like quite a bit.. (and just you shush yourselves when you hear who sings it...)

"It's been a long time since I walked through this old town
But oh how the memories start to flow"

It is from a song by Kenny Rogers titled "Twenty Years Ago"

There are just bits and pieces of the song that apply to me and this 'old town'... but it never fails to make me cry.

This verse? Does me IN...

"All my memories from those days come gather round me
What I'd give if they could take me back in time
It almost seems like yesterday
Where do the good times go?
Life was so much easier twenty years ago."

I only lived here for a few years when I was a kid. People are sometimes shocked to learn that. I have been told that because of how I talk about my time here, it seems like I spent a lifetime here.

Well, I was 8. We moved away when I was 10 or 11. Back then, that span of time WAS a lifetime.
Time certainly moves a lot faster now. That really makes me mad. I have this wonderful, beautiful being for a child, and my time with her is just whizzing by at ludicrous speed.

NOT fair. I do hope though, that for her, time is as it was for me when I was her age. Time was endless then.

The memories that this 'old town' holds for me are both good and bad.

The good?

Freedom.

I had boundless freedom here. I came and went as I wanted. Yeah, there were rules. I had to be home for dinner. I had to be home before dark. But, this being a small town, (and I mean SMALL. Like..teensy...) I had endless freedom because there were always eyes upon me. And I KNEW this. I never even attempted to do anything stupid, because I knew that the news traveled the grapevine fast. If I screwed up, my parents would know by the time I went home for dinner!

My family.

My great-grandmother lived here. A bunch of my great-uncles lived here. There was my Nanny and Pop. My Aunt Sandy lived here with her kids (4 of them, all of whom I simply adore)..
One of my great-aunts lived here and another lived in the next town over.

Wild, Wonderful West Virginia!

People can make jokes about this place all they want. I do not let it bother me. Because this place is the one and only place that I have ever been, where I feel truly at peace. It is indeed a beautiful state. Is it filled with inbred, backwoods rednecks? YES. Are my family members a buncha good ol' hillbillies? YES.

And yes, there IS a difference between a redneck and a hillbilly. But these people here in this town? They can have nothing, and yet they will bend over backwards to help you out in a time of need. These people say hello to you when you pass them on the street. We sit out on the porch and people driving by, whom we have never seen before, honk and wave.

Are there complete assholes here? Of course. But most of the people here are good.

I loved the slower pace of life here. And the trains. I could type out a whole post (and I probably will, at some point!) about the trains! To hear the train whistle echo through the valley is, to this day, something that I cherish. I will stop whatever I am doing, to just listen. It takes me back to when I was 8.

I am looking forward to having a garden, and canning what that garden puts forth.
I take no shame in eating deer meat. It is healthy, not full of crap, and there are no racks of deer antlers anywhere to be found up in here. That is not why we hunt them.

Nature.

As I said, this is a beautiful state. I have a TON of places that I cannot wait to show to T and M. They are both nature lovers and I cannot wait to share this love of this place, that I have, with them.

Then, there is the bad.

For instance...I got bullied so bad by two particular people, that I actually lied to these kids telling them that I was not me, not J, but J's brother.

I had been in bad need of a haircut and my mom took me to see some gal who was going to school to learn how to cut hair. I had wanted my hair short. She made it so short that I totally could have passed for a boy.

So... a few days later when I was in the presence of the bullies (they had bullied me prior to the haircut), and they started in on me, I looked down at myself. I had on jean cut-offs, a football jersey, and sneakers they had never seen before. So in desperation, I told them that I was not J, I was her brother.

They believed me.

They actually believed me.

I got about a weeks reprieve until they learned that I did not have a brother. Well, I DO have a brother (one who has since, for whatever reason, chosen to have nothing to do with me. Whole nother post there....), just not one that close in age to me.

The bullying got real bad then. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE teased me about 'trying to be a boy."

What they did not get was that I was not trying to be a boy. I was trying to avoid being picked on. When I think back on it all, I am not even sure why these people singled me out. I do not remember why they picked on me.

I WAS a tomboy. I still am, and I am totally ok with this. I have a girly side. It just does not show itself all that often. I love having pretty toes, and I dye my hair to keep the gray at bay. I pluck my eyebrows because they are out of control (thanks DAD... lol) and I used to LOVE having my nails done. Unfortunately, I cannot type with nails.

I do not like dressing too girly because I am so not comfy in my own skin. I am fat. I am so awkward in a dress. It is kinda funny. And I cannot walk in heels to save my life.

So be it. I am who I am. And people seem ok with that these days. At least, the people that I choose to surround myself with seem to be ok with it.

And that is good enough for me.

Until next time...