Volumes

Sometimes, I have a hard time letting go. I do not really hold grudges, per se, but sometimes I just cannot let go. As the saying goes, "I don't have issues, I have volumes!" So true.

For instance, I just came across the photos of a gal on Flickr that I used to know, and by know I mean that we used to read and comment on each other's blogs. I had posted about how complete my life was on a Valentine's Day many moons ago, and she commented on my blog all nasty-like. She said that she was tired of me blathering on about my happy, wonderful life and that she was ugly, unhappy, alone, and would never find someone to love her. I went to her blog to comment and ask, "WTF?" When I went over there, she had written a whole post about me and how she was so tired of my blathering about my perfect life, and how I was boring anyway and that she removed my link and was not going to bother with me anymore. Then her lemming commenters all trashed me. People who had NO idea who I was, or who had even ever read my blog!

Before I got pissed off at her nastiness, I felt really bad for her. In all honesty, she was not a very pretty girl. But I had really liked her. I liked her blog and what she had to say. I felt that we had a lot in common. She was in to photography and I thought she was very good. I was hurt by her words.

Then I just got mad. I mean, to be so pissy to another because you are jealous? That is some yuckiness right there. What a way to live, yah know?

Well, I just came across her on Flickr again, after YEARS of not even really thinking about her. She is now married, with a one-year-old son. It was nice to see her so happy. I mean, she looks really, REALLY happy. And it made me smile for her.

I am not mad anymore. :)

But before I came to that conclusion of not being mad any more, I had a moment where I wanted to email her and tell her that I was glad she found someone and is now a mom, and I hoped she was happy to have it all, because I lost what I had and I hoped that made her happy.

But then, really? Talk about petty!! Gosh. I hate when I think along those lines!
I cannot carry around baggage like this. It is not healthy. So, I took a deep breath and let it go.

Because while I may not have what I USED to have... I have my M. And T, even though we have ups and downs and good days and days where I simply want him gone, it is a HELL of a lot better than it was at this point last year and the year before.

I have a lot to be thankful for.

Perspective is everything.